Time passed and Samantha graduated from High School and started her University studies, majoring in Psychology, at a Christian college where she met many girls who, like herself, had little or no interest in boys. She had a few physical relationships with some of them but was more interested in just having meaningful friendships. She still remembered the night she spent with Eleanor but it no longer seemed all that important to her. For that reason, her mother’s telephone call surprised her.
“Samantha, you must come home tomorrow. I will explain things when you get here. Don’t ask any questions, just be here, okay? Love you, goodbye.”
She didn’t sleep much that night and started out the first thing in the morning for her home. Several things were going through her mind like perhaps one of her parents was diagnosed with Cancer, or maybe her father had been in an accident. The issue with Eleanor did cross her mind but that was all it did. Her head was pounding by the time she drove up the driveway. Her mother met her at the door. “What is this all about, Mom?”
“Some things have happened in the church and we need to talk about them right away, Samantha. Your father is in his office waiting.”
Samantha walked down the hallway and stood at the open door of her father’s office, “Hi Dad, Mom says we need to talk… what about?”
“Yes, we do need to talk, Samantha. At least you do. Come in here and have a seat.”
Samantha did as he instructed, but was very uncomfortable with the way he was talking to her.
“Now, I have one question for you and I expect an honest answer,” he said sternly.
“Richard… you said you would be rational about this.” her mother cautioned.
“How can I be rational, when my whole life’s work is in jeopardy?”
“She is our daughter Richard… please hear her side of the story first.”
“Alright, alright, I will answer your question daddy, but please don’t argue with Mom.” Samantha cut in.
“Okay than… are you a Lesbian?”
“What?” Samantha exclaimed. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Just give me an answer Samantha. Are you or are you not a Lesbian.”
“It’s a yes or no question Samantha” her father reminded her.
Samantha thought about the consequences of telling the truth and of telling a lie, and decided to go with the truth. “Yes Daddy, I am.” she answered calmly. “Now will you please tell me what this is all about?”
“I am afraid that it is my fault, Honey.” her mother said as she took a seat next to her. “A couple of weeks ago I ran into Eleanor at a church potluck. I have avoided her all this time but she approached me and simply asked about how you were doing at college. I replied that you were doing just fine and turned to walk away when she added, “I really love that girl.” I kind of lost it when she said that and replied, “Yes, I know all about that.” I knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say but it was to late.”
“Yes,” her father cut in, “and now she has filed a lawsuit against you Samantha, claiming that on the night you stayed at her house, she caught you sexually molesting her child.”
“What!” Samantha exclaimed. “You have got to kidding me.”
“No I am not kidding Samantha, and in fact, I promised the Sheriff that I would let him know as soon as I was finished talking with you… and I am finished,” he said as he picked up the phone.
“But don’t you want to know the truth daddy? Don’t you want to know what really happened?”
“You have already told me the truth Samantha, you are an abomination to the Lord God Almighty and I will have nothing more to do with you.”
That was the last time she saw her father. Her mother did come to the prison a few times while she served a six-month sentence, but after her release, she never went home again, because to do so would require having to register with the police as a sex offender, and her father would not allow that. It was at the prison where she met two members of the ‘Born Losers’ group and when she was released, they arranged for some members of the club to pick her up. She got her tattoo a few days later and had spent the last six months living at their compound in the mountains.
“And so now it is just me and my father… who really isn’t my father anymore, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.” Julie added as she finished her story.
“Yah… I understand where you are coming from kid. Wish I had some good advice for you but I’m kind of in the same hole, only maybe a little deeper.”
“Guess I am just a loser like you.” Julie responded remorsefully
“No Julie, you’re not like me. My train derailed a long time ago, but yours has just slipped of the track. You can still get back on it and make something of yourself if you try.”
“And what about you, Sam… Why couldn’t you get back on the track too?”
Sam thought about it for a moment and even allowed herself to dream again for the first time in a long while. “Wouldn’t that be something?” she mused. “Me going back to haunt my father.”
They gave each other a big hug and walked back into the party. A few days later, Julie left her father and went to join Sam at the ranch. Sam had given her permission only on the condition that Julie would return to her home and finish her schooling when the new year started. Julie agreed and for the first time since her mother’s death, she felt happy.
Sam was not a mother figure… more a big brother figure to Julie. They shared the same bed but there was nothing dirty about their relationship, even on those few occasions when it became physical. Julie started to feel lovable again and Sam also had a change of character. Julie got the tattoo on her arm, against the advice of Sam. She talked one of the motorcycle riders into taking her in to have it done while Sam was busy with one of the several work projects around the commune. Sam was not very happy about it… but what was done was done and so she left it alone.
Their conversations often turned Spiritual because of Sam’s background in Christianity but Sam was far from being a “Christian”. At times she would share her own stories about the God she believed in but always emphasizing that her God was different than her father’s god. On the night before Julie was to return to her home, they were sitting by a campfire and Sam stood up and started telling one of her stories to the group.
“My father’s god had a son who supposedly died for all us sinners and my father says that the blood of god’s son cleanses people from their sins. The only way we can be with my Father’s god is if we believe his son died for us. If we say we believe it, then all our sins are forgiven and we become new people. Then we get to go to this big party in the sky when we die and all of us will get to wear this beautiful white disguise because my father’s god can not stand anything that is not perfect. If I ever get to my father’s heaven and they give me a fancy white robe to wear, I will certainly put it on… but when I get directly in front of god’s throne, I will tear it off and stand naked in front of him and say “Hey god, take a look at me… life left me with a lot of scars as you can see, but I did the best I could with what you gave me. Sorry if that is not good enough for you but if you never intended to look at me for what I really am, why did you create me in the first place?”
There was some applause and laughter as Sam curtseyed and took her seat next to Julie. Julie gave her a big hug and said, “I am really going to miss you, Sam.”
“Yeah, but you’ll get over it.” Sam responded as tears started forming in her eyes, “and besides, I’m not planning to go anywhere soon… so we’ll see each other from time to time.”